Spiritual Accounting, Cheshbon haNefesh

There are 49 days between our deliverance from Egypt and our big event at Mount Sinai. We use these 49 days, right at tax time, for cheshbon nefesh, a spiritual accounting, a balancing of personal traits. We look at 7 traits, and all of their combinations: 7 times 7 brings us to 49, balanced, ready to stand firm and solid at Sinai. Here are the traits we'll examine(I am guided by Simon Jacobson here).
The seven emotional attributes are:
1. Chesed – Lovingkindness; giving, no boundaries, laissez-faire, free love.
2. Gevurah - Justice and discipline; boundaries, limits, holding back
3. Tiferet – Harmony, compassion; A perfect balance between chesed and gevurah.
4. Netzach – Endurance; going for the victory
5. Hod – Humility; accepting the way things are now, being thankful for what we have.
6. Yesod – Bonding; a sweet balance between netzach and hod.
7. Malchut – Sovereignty, leadership.
In the first week we will look at chesed: chesed in chesed, gevurah in chesed, tiferet in chesed,
Friday was chesed in chesed, that everflowing noneheldback love we have for a new baby. Simon Jacobson writes,
" Week one - Chesed

Love is the single most powerful and necessary component in life. Love is the origin and foundation of all human interactions. It is both giving and receiving. It allows us to reach above and beyond ourselves. To experience another person and to allow that person to experience us. It is the tool by which we learn to experience the highest reality - G-d. In a single word: love is transcendence.


Day One: Chesed of chesed

Examine the love aspect of love. The expression of love and its level of intensity. Everyone has the capacity to love in their hearts. The question is if and how we actualize and express it.

Ask yourself:

What is my capacity to love another person? Do I have problems with giving? Am I stingy or selfish? Is it difficult for me to let someone else into my life? Do I have room for someone else? Do I allow room for someone else? Am I afraid of my vulnerability, of opening up and getting hurt? How do I express love? Am I able to communicate my true feelings? Do I withhold expressing love out of fear of reaction? Or on the contrary: I often express too much too early. Do others misunderstand my intentions?

Whom do I love? Do I only love those that I relate to and who relate to me? Do I have the capacity to love a stranger; to lend a helping hand to someone I don't know? Do I express love only when it's comfortable?

Why do I have problems with love and what can I do about it? Does my love include the other six aspects of chesed, without which love will be distorted and unable to be truly realized.


Day Two: Gevurah of Chesed (Today, Saturday)

Healthy love must always include an element of discipline. A degree of distance and respect for the other. An assessment of the persons capacity to contain your love. Love must be tempered and directed properly. Ask a parent who in the name of love has spoiled his child; or someone who suffocates their spouse with love and doesn't allow her any space of her own. Love with discretion is necessary to avoid giving to those that don't deserve it.

Is my love disciplined enough? Do others take advantage of my giving nature? Am I hurting anyone by becoming their crutch in the name of love? Am I hurting my children by forcing upon them my value system because I love them so? Do I respect the one I love or is it a selfish love? Am I sensitive to his feelings and attitudes? Do I see my beloved as an extension of myself and my needs? In my love is there as much emphasis on the one I love and his ability to contain my love as there is on me and my giving? Rain is a blessing only because it falls in drops that don't flood the fields.

Exercise for the day: Help someone on their terms not on yours. Apply yourself to their specific needs even if it takes effort."